cynicschism

     The Alaskan Repetory Company is proud to present our latest one-act play entitled Three Politicians in search of an orgasm; or the icepeople cometh. We hope both all our long-time surscribers and new members will enjoy the production:

 Dramatis personae:

 Senator Jack McCrane, old washed-up politico.

Senator Flem Liverspot, slightly younger washed-up politico

Governor Sadie Paleface, vibrant newcomer to the poltical scene.

                                                          Act One

(scene one: the interior of a rustic cabin somewhere in the Yukon river valley. It is simply furnished with a table, a few chairs, a kitchen, and a bed with iron bedsteads. At the table sits McCrane, with a bottle of premium vodka on the table and a glass half-filled with said vodka. McCrane is talking to himself .)

McC:  Damn, with all my years of experience, losing to some guy still wet behind the ears.  The only thing to do to drink myself into a stupor, pretend the whole thing never happened, and maybe, later in the evening, play with myself a little bit. Not much of a future to look forward to. Shit holy.

                                    (a knock sounds on the door)

Oh hell, who could that be. I didn’t even get to drag the old prokchop out and strum it yet. It’s always something (yells in direction of door) Hark. Who dares to knock at my door at this time of night. Identitfy thyself varlet.

                                           (voice at door)

LivSp: It’s me, Liverspot. What the hell is all this hark crap.  Damn, it’s freezing out here. My willy feels like it’s half way up my stomach. Let me in, you old cocksucker, before I smash in your door.

McC:  Cocksucker, why I never, well almost never…Is that you Flem, you old bustard. The door’s not locked you chucklehead. Come on in.

(door opens, Liverspot enters, closes door behind him with a firm push)

Livsp:  What the hell, it’s damn freezing cold out here.  Jesus.  What’s wrong with you. I’ve got an icicle and two tightly packed snowballs in my pants.

McC:  Well, what the hell did you put that in your pants for?

Livsp:  I’m talking about my cock and balls, dummy.  They’re freezing off. Don’t you know what a metaphor is?  I need somewhere to warm them up before they break off.

McC:  Wouldn’t take much.  Dry off by the fireplace.

Livsp:  There is no fireplace now, I’ll have to build one. (quickly builds fireplace) There, that was easier than I thought.  Oh, I’m cold. (throws wood in newlt built fireplace)  Oh that feels better.  I’m warming up now.

McC:  You know what I’d like to see?  I’d like to see your diddlythumper and globals warming out.  See what you’re made up, you old crook.

Livsp:  You’ve seen them many times before and they haven’t changed since the last time we made it.  You’re a gd 24/7 pervert, you know that?

McC:  Yes, I know that.  I thought if I took a few swigs from this bottle, I’d straighten up a bit, but it didn’t work, cause I still want to watch your piddlewiddle warm up.

Livsp:  Oh, alright, you old white-haired damn perv.  But let the fire build up a little warmth first.  My rumplestick and castors are just beginning to warm up, they’re still half-frozen.  Give it a minute.

McC:  Okay, I guess you deserve a little break.  Want a glass of this stuff?  It’ll warm you up as fast as the fire. (pours a clean glass half full of vodka.) Here ya go. (hands glass to Liverspot, show is standing before fire)

Livsp:  Thanks, mighty arctic of you. (takes deep drink) Hey not bad.  I feel warmer already. Even my longstaff is starting to thaw.  Thank goodness, it’s about time.

McC:  Are you really getting warmer.  Good.  I wanna see that broom handle of yours right now, post haste.

Livsp:  Damn ingrate.  Can’t wait a minute can you, you old sod.  Well, I might as well get it over with, stop you drooling on the table.

McC: Oops (wipes drool off table with napkin)

Livsp:  Okay, let me take a sounding(puts hand down into front of pants).  Ah, almost back to normal.

McC:  Alright, let the show begin.

Livsp:  Yes, that feels better, let’s get if over with. (starts taking clothes off, beginning with coat, then shirt, then pants, then tee shirt, then socks, finally removes underpants).  Okay, that feels better. (Liverspot  now completely naked, stands before fire feeling himself, his bare back and ass turned to McC) Oh, now I’m warmed up.  Oh, that fels good.  Mr.  Peepod is ready for action.

McC:  Turn around, I don’t want to see your fat ass, I want to take a look at Sir Whackadoodle.  Come, turn about, and let us see Lord Manthinger in all his glory. (McC starts to drool slowly unto the table).

Livsp: (turns about so that McCrane and the audience can clearly see his erect member and his firm testicles) There, are you happy?  God that feels better now that everything is warm again.  Strange, but I feel like pumping myself, until I come into the fire.  Could that be dangerous?  Will cum conduct the heat?

McC:  Oh, dearest boy, I do not know.  I’m speechless.  I’ve seen it many times before, but here in this cabin, after those drinks, it’s like I’m seeing your Johnnycaker for the first time.  It’s wonderful, so hard, so frim, so red in the firelight.  And the way your globals bounce in the shadows.  Would you grant me just one favor?

Lvsp:  Now what?

McC:  Can I have first crack on stroking your dingleshaft?  You can help yourself anytime you want, but, well…mine isn’t always reliable, and if you could allow me first dibs on yours, I…would be very…gentle.  Would you, dear one?

Livsp:  Oh hell, why not.  We’re stuck in this damn cabin for who knows how long.  Just wash your hands first.  Wait that’s vodka isn’t it?  I have to pee right now.  Isn’t  vodka tasteless.  If I can pee in that bottle, I’ll feel a whole lot better.

McC:  It sure as hell won’t be tasteless after you fill it up.  Be pateint, you can wait.  Now, come over closer to the table and let me get my hands on your poleball and make you climax.

Livsp:  (moves close to table, his erect member more visible to McCrane and audience, it is still extended in a hardy salute) Oh, just get this over with.  Even with all your dumb talk, I’m about to come.  Here, hang on. (he pushes up close to McCrane and thrusts out his stiff manthing, as McCrane gets a grip on it and starts to pump it back and forth).

(Suddenly, there is a knock on the cabin door)

McC, Livsp: (they speak together in surprise)  What the hell.  Who is it?  Damn, what’s with the timing.  What do you want?  Answer us.

At this point in the play, it is a tradition of the Alaskan Repetory Company to take a brief intermission and to continue with the play on the following day.  Please join us tomorrow for more of our premiere performance.

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